RECIPES: Manic Mango Refined

Crab Mangoon

2 (8 ounce) packages softened cream cheese or Neufchatel cheese
2 mangoes, seeded, peeled and finely diced
1 (8 ounce) package faux crab legs, broken into pieces (real crab or lobster if you are feeling fancy, but really the fake works better)
2-3 scallions, white end half removed, cut into thin rings
1 teaspoon chili pepper flakes
1 teaspoon sesame oil
Won ton wrappers
Oil for deep-frying

1. Combine everything but the wrappers and frying oil and leave the mixing bowl in the refrigerator for 1-2 hours to allow the flavors to meld and the cheese stiffen.
2. Scoop about a tablespoon of filling onto each won ton, wet two adjacent edges and pinch them together to make a pregnant triangle.
3. Use a fork to crimp the sealed edges.
4. Submerge in hot oil until golden.
5. Drain on paper towels for five minutes, but serve them quickly or else they will become flaccid and soggy.
6. Serve with duck sauce, sweet chili sauce or both...or something else.

Frozen Ginger Mango-Rita

Serves: 1
Don't bother making a half recipe.
You will regret it when you run out.

1.5 cups Simple Ginger syrup*
6 ripe mangoes, pitted, peeled and cubed
3 limes, two juiced and one cut into wedges)
4 cups ice
1.5 cups tequila
1/2 cup Grand Marnier or Cointreau
1/4 cup granulated sugar
2 teaspoons ground cayenne pepper

1. Combine mangoes, syrup, and lime juice in a food processor. You might have to do this in batches if you don't have the 14 cup model.
2. Add liquor and ice and blend until smooth.
3. Combine sugar and cayenne, stirring thoroughly on a small plate.
4. Wet the rim of a glass with a lime wedge, and dip it in the dish to coat the rim before filling. Repeat with every glass.
5. Garnish with a wedge of lime.

*Simple Ginger

I like to keep this on hand. I store it in squeeze bottles for use in cocktails, desserts and sauces. It will keep for a couple weeks.

1 cup H2O
1 cup sugar
3 inch piece of ginger, peeled and thinly sliced

1. Combine all ingredients in a medium saucepan.
2. Stir Constantly over medium heat until sugar dissolves.
3. Bring to a boil and simmer for five minutes.
4. Remove from heat and let steep for 1-2 hours.
5. Pour through fine mesh strainer and discard ginger pieces.

JOURNAL: Manic Mango

I had the lowest scores out of four competitors at the Iron Chef (sorry about the trademark infringement) Battle Mango in Glen Park last week.

Things to remember for next time:
(1) Read the rules on the evite before you start cooking or at least before you go to the competition/dinner.
(2) Don't be like that girl who started cooking after everyone else arrived and their food was getting cold. Even if she did win.
(3) The judges care about presentation (seemingly far more than taste), so make it pretty.
(4) They will not care if you make 4 dishes instead of the assigned 2.
(5) They will not consider the world's most kick-ass frozen ginger mango-rita to be a "dish" no matter how much they love it. Fools.
(6) Just make buffalo wings in lettuce cups. They will be content.

What I learned:

(1) My frozen ginger mango-rita is a crowd-pleaser, but would be even better with more ginger (maybe roasted rather than raw), should be made in obscenely large batches, and the leftovers make a good granita when forgotten in the freezer. Cayenne and sugar on the rim was a great last-minute addition, but better to wet the rim with a lime wedge than in a bowl of mango juice, because the rim ends up slithering its way down to the stem in a matter of minutes.

(2) My classic crab rangoon is fantastic, replacing the crab with mango and keeping the other spicy and savory ingredients is also good, and calling it "mangoon" is funny, but adding the mango while retaining the crab and having a fruity dipping sauce (duck sauce or sweet chili sauce) would have been sublime.

(3) Serving mangoon to the judges while still hot and crispy would have been good as well.

(4) It is really hard to find Asian staples in my new neighborhood, and when I can, they are absurdly overpriced ($8 for a packet of agar agar flakes, which cost $1.39 at Asian markets in the Sunset District or Chinatown for a bag at least 8 times the size).

(5) Organic corn syrup serves no purpose and has no place in this world. The things that call for corn syrup are not for the organic grocery buyer, and the stuff is so thick, chewy and odd that it doesn't function in a recipe the way conventional corn syrup does. It literally took 45 minutes with the bottle tilted at a 45-degree angle to pour a half-cup, and the mouth of the bottle was too narrow to fit even a butter knife inside in order to promote flow.

(6) Don't try to make mango gumdrops from scratch. It's silly and you have no idea what you are doing. Make mango pâté de fruit and then everyone will have a happier experience and be more impressed by the fancy name.